I'm tired of playing that fake girl I'm not. I'm tired of putting on a fake smile everytime you're around.

I'm tired of trying oh so hard and never succeeding. I'm tired of thinking everything is my fault. I'm tired of not complaining. I'm tired of caring. I'm tired of working out. I'm tired of solitude. I'm tired of all this procrastination. I'm tired of feeling this weight in me all the time. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep. I'm tired of holding back. I'm tired of being reserved. I'm tired of being accused of things I've never done. I'm tired of hoping. I'm tired of all the chaos. Its about time I fixed it all up. Did things I wana do instead of pleasing everyone instead. Its baby steps I know, a slow process that is probably gona take a long time but its worth the wait. So, I sit here and pray that this tiredness would ware out soon. I'd want the old me back. I'm tired of the masquerade. I've hidden myself way too long and its about time I realised 

COME EXPLORE THE WORLD WITH ME 

Could we go get a strawberry milkshake and some fries please? 

And there shall come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. 

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Get over your hill and see what you ought to find there.

with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair, 

You'd find joy and you'll never turn back 

I CERTAINLY DO, THATS PRETTY NEW :)

 

It has been a while since I visited this void or even thought about it. I guess when there was just way too much to think and so much going on I could not think or push aside the fear. Its time to face it and actually do something about it instead of bumming and procrastinating all the time. Looking at the date or what the previous post of mind said is scary. Thinking how I was drowning in such a dark place. Its good to be able to see the light now and it all seems better. Sure feels better too. All these insecurities must fade away soon. However I do it, I must. 

Its weird how you pull through hell and sometimes things are just so vague and you feel like you're trapped in someone else's masterplan yet you know you got to own it. 

So time has come to put the past aside, hold on to what matters and fuck the rest.

It isnt going to be an easy ride, but then again who said anything about it being simple?

Time to quit slacking, pick up where I dropped and prove them haters what they literally missed.

Words have the power of moving souls and minds. As disturbing as it sounds I personally do not like the effect or the toll that words do to me. Its just real unfair but at the same time you use it too. So why is it totally not cool when the other uses it? Look you're pissed or cranky or unhappy, whatever may be the emotion thats over ruling your mind, you do not need to let it show. I can sense the fury and aura. Just shut it and if its important we'll talk about it if not just rub it off will you? You want things to work. You want things your way but hey you forgot that I'm in it too? What about my ways? Or what I want? Just do not be a selfish douche. You're better than that and I know it. Its so frustrating I swear when you know you can do better but you're just way too lazy to even try. I wish I had the patience. Sadly, I do not. I'm just way too mindfucked already. I'm just going to wait and see. I've just been far too patient. After today or perhaps another week I got to wait til I can focus on me. I'm done. Thats it.