Beaches , I love . Boyfriend , I wish I had or perhaps not . 

With It Girl playing in the background, I sit and wonder whats all this mess leading to. Overthinking's bad for health. You got to practice what you preach. Im tryna remind myself that I got to start listening to myself. I doubt that I'm wrong all the time. There are the chances of me being right some times right? Well, why this song? Random song from ze playlist. Running away's never an option but I'm looking forward for the one month away. My way of knowing who's actually gona stay when almost all are leaving. Its misleading, irritating that almost nothing stays but dont tell me everything's gona be that way. I'd probably loose faith before I grow old. I already am anyways. 

The sound of waves kissing the shore ; relaxing much?

Yeah, I need to calm my tits down a little. No need to freak out. I'll survive. No worries. I should visit the beaches when I'm there. Getting closer to nature? I should do that. Breathing seems easier when you're out in the wild. Fresh air does wonders ey? Solitude, would I ever agree to that? In another life perhaps. I'm just not meant to be alone. I mean I hate the silence. I hate the thought of me drowning myself in utter bullshit. I'll probably lead to convincing myself into a whole lot things I never wish I did. I wouldnt want another list of regrets. 

[ Men ]

As much as I hate this chapter, I yearn for it too. I want long walks on the beach. She has it, why cant I? I cant be envying my mum. Like for real right? I want kisses too. But I'll just tell myself to dream on and focus on whats best now. Walking down the memory lane brings back alot of memories. Maybe things I could have done better or differently. But I know I can think of anything serious or anything permanent now. I'm strong , HELL YES but I'm still very much fragile. Its like I need to complete the list of things I wana do before I leave or for my 19th but to the drains all those should go. I'm seriously not in the mood of all that. Hopefully all the turning down I'm doing now wont lead me to misery. Well for now, this chapter shall remain closed. 

Pictures

Some times you wonder if pictures could capture everything. Sitting down thinking if all you're gona have for yourself is memories and a whole lot of faded, old pictures. Yeah, pictures say a million words. They speak for themselves. You try oh so hard to keep track with whats happening with pictures. Social websites, facebook, twitter, myspace, skype and etc. Pictures have become more than just part of memories. They've become an asset perhaps. Hot picture ; hot, interesting person. People jump into conclusions by judging pictures. Lets just say you have a collection of sexy, slutty, bitchy pictures, and there you go, you've proven yet again that people even way before knowing you would just say you're a first class bitch. So, what happened to your personality stands out? Or colour and race isnt an issue? We've all just become so intensely involved in this fake perceptions. 

Pictures capture moments and memories which you might keep close to heart. But maybe few years down the road those pictures are only gona remind you of things and people you might force yourself to forget. I'm not putting down all those awesome photographers out there. They all are pretty talented. But what I'm saying is its pretty funny how pictures and their meanings change with time. Its like they evolve. One minute they're so damn important and next their nothing but rubbish. We've all become so dependent on things which are temporary that we've never planned on keeping things to last. If it means the world to you now, why does it mean any less later? Human mind ; pretty messed up I'd say.

How nice would it be if we could hold on to these pictures and made sure that each one of it has a story to tell and it holds its on meaning. I mean we all have the mistakes and mishaps but we shouldnt let those take over. We still have the good pictures right? Right from the very start. Your first smile til your all so sexy pout. Like how you put your priorities first, learn how to sort your pictures too. Look back into the nostalgic album of your life. Scroll through the chapters and if you find some ugly, unwanted pictures, remove them. Erase them but hold on to what you learnt from it. Dont let it haunt you. Laugh at the funny moments. Cry to the sad ones. And keep in mind that every picture has brought you to where you are now. Just make sure you take better pictures from now on. And you'd probably wana share those pictures with people who are worth your time. That would certainly make your book of pictures a whole lot better. 

Frustration.

A lot has been going on and I ask myself whats actually gona be permanent or whats actually just temporary. I try oh so hard to please many not realising I oftened left myself disappointed. Disappoinment perhaps is just me trying to make ends meet. But I cant deny that a lot makes sense now.

Silence.

There comes this moment when all you want is silence. To just lay there and do nothing, hear nothing and say nothing. Weird but suprisingly comforting at times. Why silence? When all the little voices mess up your head and all you need is a break from all the noise, thats when silence is all you need. Not to listen to what another has to say, not to digest what comments he/she made, but simply to shut yourself up and not anyone in. Giving yourself the space and time to think on your own and to live not to please others but yourself. Honestly, the whole monthly bad mood's kicking in now. Ahh shucks :/ Well, I'm tired. I truly am. I need a break. I want some pampering too. Dont you realise with more time here you've made him all calm? Oh shiats even I didnt realise that. Fuck la, I need me time. I need you time. I need us time. I'm glad its calmer now. No hitting. scratching and etc. Do I need this excessive thinking? I mean do I need these type of people who're just around for the sake of being around? What am I gaining out of it? Oh damn, I'm beginning to sound like some selfish freak who's thinking what can I squeeze out or get from people :S NONONO, this isnt how I am and I will not be that way. My head screams thats not you, wadya tryna do ! And all I try to tell myself is I got to learn but right now I think I've enough of experiences and its time to just sit back and relax but why cant I ever to listen to myself? Pfft :/Complicating much.

Lets play catch. You fall, I'll laugh then maybe give you a hand and a kiss? AHAHA I'm a meany , I know :)

See through the rain, cause thats where the rainbows shine.

Don't see things cause you're forced to. See, look, observe cause only when time plays its part, you'll understand that there's so much thats hidden and it aint that simple to read or understand. Life's similarly the same. It never seems simple but if you think it through and stand strong, you'll know that nothing can bring you down. With heads high, you got look straight into the eyes of life and say, 'Bring it on, bitch!' Being optimistic isnt a crime. it doesnt mean you'd never fail but just dont let failures and mistakes seem like its the end of the world. Like if you light a fag and before you know it you're done smoking it and then you realise its your last, dont worry, dont sulk, get your ass up get find more. No point sitting and regretting the fact that the fag's gone right? So quit sulking over whats gone and start living :)

Argh WAI SO HOT? :P