Beaches , I love . Boyfriend , I wish I had or perhaps not . 

With It Girl playing in the background, I sit and wonder whats all this mess leading to. Overthinking's bad for health. You got to practice what you preach. Im tryna remind myself that I got to start listening to myself. I doubt that I'm wrong all the time. There are the chances of me being right some times right? Well, why this song? Random song from ze playlist. Running away's never an option but I'm looking forward for the one month away. My way of knowing who's actually gona stay when almost all are leaving. Its misleading, irritating that almost nothing stays but dont tell me everything's gona be that way. I'd probably loose faith before I grow old. I already am anyways. 

The sound of waves kissing the shore ; relaxing much?

Yeah, I need to calm my tits down a little. No need to freak out. I'll survive. No worries. I should visit the beaches when I'm there. Getting closer to nature? I should do that. Breathing seems easier when you're out in the wild. Fresh air does wonders ey? Solitude, would I ever agree to that? In another life perhaps. I'm just not meant to be alone. I mean I hate the silence. I hate the thought of me drowning myself in utter bullshit. I'll probably lead to convincing myself into a whole lot things I never wish I did. I wouldnt want another list of regrets. 

[ Men ]

As much as I hate this chapter, I yearn for it too. I want long walks on the beach. She has it, why cant I? I cant be envying my mum. Like for real right? I want kisses too. But I'll just tell myself to dream on and focus on whats best now. Walking down the memory lane brings back alot of memories. Maybe things I could have done better or differently. But I know I can think of anything serious or anything permanent now. I'm strong , HELL YES but I'm still very much fragile. Its like I need to complete the list of things I wana do before I leave or for my 19th but to the drains all those should go. I'm seriously not in the mood of all that. Hopefully all the turning down I'm doing now wont lead me to misery. Well for now, this chapter shall remain closed.